Mesmerizing Delicacy
His
deer-shaped eyes embraced me as he was talking to me. I felt like I lost my
compass as I listened to him and dived into their clear seas.
Now I
am ready to write about love, to write poems of affection, to carve in the
solidest of rocks, to dance, and to finally teach everyone on earth what love
is.
I
tried to control my overflowing feelings as I shrank before his long black
brows. I held him close to my heart, while he smiled with his childish sly
face, acting as if he is sleeping as he used to do every day when I got back
from work; he used to run towards me and sink his face in my longing arms and
act sleeping, throwing his whole body on me so we fall on the chair and become
one, like we used to be before I brought him to the world a few years ago.
He
holds my hair playfully and asks while throwing himself in my arms with cloudy
eyes:I will hear your voice every day?
I
nodded, drowning his face with my tears involuntarily, so he gave in too and we
both cried.
He said in a choking voice: I don’t want to see you only Thursday and half Friday. I wanna live with you mama.
I looked away, hiding my scars and rocked him in my arms, as I said:
- Didn’t we agree sweetheart? It is just a temporary arrangement.
I was
distracted by his smell. How can he still smell like a newly born baby? Has my
nose not give up still on that smell? Does he know he still smells like a baby?
I felt
birds moving inside the cages of my heart. I couldn’t stop kissing him. He was
holding me in mesmerizing delicacy, pulling his face every now and then to see
my face without taking his body away from my arms, examining my features as if
memorizing them.
He
laughed as my eyeglasses fogged, and drew shapes on them with his little
finger. I laughed and struggled to stay still, as my doctor recommended the
slightest of movements until my bleeding stops. I looked in pain, so he reminded
me to take my medicine, I smiled.
How
can someone’s eyes be so dreamy and mesmerizing? I carry him over my shoulders
and run as fast as wind, not knowing where to go, or how my weight disappeared,
running under the rain, while he giggled when the rain drops fell on his face
and black hair. I feel the rain mixed with his smell, filling up my nostrils
and my chest.
I snap
from my daydream to wave goodbye to him as he dragged his legs slowly and got
into his father’s car and sat there, still looking at me, with my features filling
his eyes. I rest my head on the balcony frame and waved and waved, while he
waved back endlessly as the car moved away towards the thin line separating
heaven from earth. As they drew further, my balcony sank to the back
approaching the end of the world.
I noticed
the sand piles and pebbles lying at the end of the street, in a repetitive
random attempt to pave it. I suddenly saw my face over the sand pile moving in
wild circles, growing monster yellow legs, burdened with the heavy circles
surrounding me and coming towards my window in determination, while I sheltered
behind the smell of my baby still lingering in my chest.
Written by: Nadia Shokry (my mother)
Translated from Arabic: Myself
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